Christmas and Christmas Eve

Before I left this morning, Levi complained that today would be boring. No one was coming to the house and we weren't going anywhere, he said. After an action-packed two days, I can't blame him for that sentiment. 

We left the house at 1:15 for church on Christmas Eve and went to church. I told Levi to bring something to do, but as usual he asked how soon the service would be ending. It finally did end, and we headed to the Fernandez house for Bolgert Christmas. 22 people in the house and we had a lot of fun with white elephant and other Sam Bolgert games. I won $50 at can roll, which totally surprised me.

A Thing About Travel

D'you know what I love about travel and taking trips?

I love freshly arriving and not knowing anything about anything and then discovering it piece by piece. I love the feeling of checking in and everything's a mystery, then taking a final lap on the day of departure just to check everything out one more time.

Life

Ah yes, my stomach feels like it's dropping again. I had a realization just before lunch. I'm mentally co-dependent. I stress out while I'm not with other people about their moods and the way they feel. Can I do anything about the holiday rush while I'm here? No. Can I do anything about Sarah's mood while I'm here? No. Why am I spending so much time thinking about other people and not just relaxing and enjoying myself?

It's like the DMB lyric

If you close your eyes cause the house is on fire/think you couldn't move until the fire died. 

Does everything have to be just right for me to relax? The constant feeling of being "at attention" is wearying at best and exhausting at worst.

My birthday was a mixed bag. Good birthday, getting the fridge and meat loaf and cake. Good Friday with work lunch and friends dinner. But I spent the whole weekend sick and still don't feel 100% all the time. 

Anyway, time to relax.

Another Trip Around The Sun

Another trip around the sun

Sometimes I feel like I'm hurtling towards nothingness

Not despairing, not depressed

But the sun seems to rise and the sun seems to set

What fruit have the hours produced?

What matters in the world?

Just the outlook of helplessness

What impact have I on my son and daughter?

I've had no effect on their learning

The calendar pages just keep turning 

And I can't stop them

Maybe one year I'll learn

To stop trying to hold time like groceries in my arms

Something always slips out, something always skitters away

I must stop flogging myself and celebrate

A family, two children happy and safe

If I don't have the answers

Chances are, they'll learn them

And teach me

I must learn to believe in others

I must have more faith

Happy birthday to me

Smile and blow out the candles

Realize I don't live in darkness

Scenes of 46

Well, here it is, the last day of 46. 

And what a year it's been.

Favorite trip:  

Disney World, no question. Just an immersion in vacation. It was a vacation, not a trip. There were a few trying moments, but the kids handled the long days well. We went on some thrilling rides, some not-so-thrilling rides. Our resort was great, loved the Murphy bed. Levi was a bit traumatized by Tower of Terror and every ride after was an iffy proposition, but Naomi was a daredevil.

Sundara was a much-needed getaway for Sarah and me. I still love the bathing ritual and speaking of immersion, immersion into not having technology was wonderful. Ishnala was quite the experience as well.

I don't know- 2024 brought a seven-day cruise just after my birthday, and I give the cruise a C or C+. Disney was so much better to me because the crowds were not all in one place. Plus the cruise was just not made for kids. The kids area at the waterpark was kind of pathetic, and the pools were salt water. Levi was a mess pretty much the entire trip, and the cabin was tiny.

We spent a few nights in St Paul, and those were fun. The Mall of America was Levi's first taste of roller coasters, and he continues to insist that Rock Bottom Plunge was the scariest.

Jazz/Instrumental

 J/I

12.8.25

Little Bit of LA Ok/+

Celebration (T. Williams) OK

Alma Y Fuego (HL-N) remove

Mr. Spock +

Quest for Life (Jamal) +

Life- Thanksgiving Weekend

Thurs- Thanksgiving at Linda's. Monopoly first time and best time so far for Levi. Bought it on Friday and have had 1+ loud and stormy games so far.

Packers, Wicked, Monopoly

Fri- Feztival of Trees ok. Never win anything, but that's OK. Grocery and other shopping. Dad's dinner was terrific. Dad and MK stayed a long time

Sat- Snowmageddon with no snow blower. Did well with removal. Naomi helped. Also tree decoration and Monopoly.

Sun- Dad's church, the MRI that wasn't, Levi playdate and more Monopoly madness.

Jazz/Instrumental Journal

Linus And Lucy ++

Cruel But Fair + (remove from playlist- repeats)

A Slight Smile (Hancock) (remove from playlist? Just kind of slow and plodding)

Kinka Mache- OK, kind of annoying that Kinka Mache is repeated over and over. May remove.

The Crossbar (Riley) +

What The World Needs Now (Artemis)- OK

Stable Mates (Hancock) + (may remove)