Happy Go Lucky, Fourth of July

I don't know why, but this fourth of July has brought out the anxiety in me. I get the anxiety every year going up to John's Lake. It's just a lot of people. They're all family, of course, but a crowd is a crowd no matter what. And they're a good-natured group, but there's always a little bit of kidding around and stuff that isn't my favorite. 

Maybe (and I'm just venting here) it's just the feeling that I've already had too much family time this summer. As soon as they got off school, they had a five day weekend. Then two days of summer school, then five more days on a trip to the Dells. 

Maybe it's the fact that Naomi is sometimes floating off in her own world and not paying attention to us. Levi's followed directions better and is more agreeable. He's actually a funny kid sometimes and the two of them are so innocent. Sure, they drive each other crazy sometimes, but they also have a loving relationship. They both want to do things together, but they can both be independent. That's unlike my brother and I, where I just wanted to read and be alone and have my space, while Steven did very much not want to be alone.

I still want to be alone sometimes. Sarah goes off to her book clubs, etc. She seems to think me wanting to do stuff by myself is weird, but I feel surrounded every day by them. Could I use a friend? Maybe. I'm not sure why it's so hard for me to drop my guard and accept that kind of attention. Maybe something to work on. Lots of maybes in this post.

Why do you live in the Northeast?

Post-Script:

I had an amazing weekend. I decided once I got up there that I would just be as friendly as possible and say hi to everyone and ask how they were doing. There were some slow moments where I was slightly bored, but it's such a loving group of people. The only person who bothered me at all was Ryan, who is just a doof, but everyone seems to know he's a doof. Loved the badminton with Abby, Ben, Greg and Violet. Bananagrams on Sunday with Sarah, Stacy, Linda and Steve. I get what people mean when they say they watch through their kids' eyes. Watching Levi and Naomi watch the fireworks was great, and they were so enthusiastic about tubing and other things. No kayaking this year, but something to watch for next year. I had a hard time falling asleep last night just because it seemed so quiet.